As I was looking for a notebook for one of my son’s tonight, I came across a card, some paint, and a paintbrush on one of the school desks.
When I read the card, I screamed for my husband.
And here’s why….
A few months ago, our family suffered a loss. I had a miscarriage two weeks after I found out I was pregnant.
We hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy, but the day I miscarried (at about 5-6 weeks), I was crushed.
And I cried.
All day long.
I laid in my bed and cried.
And again the following day.
And the third day, but by this time, I was up and moving about.
It was a terrible experience for me. For us.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was sure that I didn’t want more children. I was quite taken aback by the pending arrival of another child. But as the days came and went, I started to get used to the idea. I started to feel excited about it. I started to see the baby as the blessing that he/she was. It’s amazing how hard of an experience that actually was. Losing something you didn’t really know you wanted is quite an eye-opener. And it taught me, once again, just how much one takes for granted in this life.
My husband and I chose to tell our children for a couple of reasons:
- Because mom was upset and they wanted to know why. They wanted to make sure I was okay and
- Because as hard as the loss was, the baby itself was a blessing. We wanted our children to know that loss as well. We would have celebrated a new baby together so my husband and I felt it was important to morn the loss of a child through miscarriage together.
Upon finding the card, my heart just melted and the tears started flowing. It brought back the memories of that short time ago. The memory of the loss, but also the memory of how we came together as a family. Our son that wrote the card is a very heart-felt child and it is such a blessing.
At about this time, he came around the corner and noticed I had the card. He said a couple of things. He was clearly embarrassed that I found the card, but then he noticed my tears. He put his head down. I could tell that he has started to cry as well. I simply held him. I told him I loved him and then we talked about the experience of that loss.
I wasn’t as much at a loss for words as I feared I would be. We talked about the baby and how the baby is now in heaven, a much better place than here. I explained to him that sometimes things happen in life that we don’t and probably will never understand, but that the baby is now in a more beautiful place where he/she will never know pain.
And we all want to get to heaven.
He felt much better after our heart to heart. In these moments when I witness my children being tested, it strengthens my relationship with God. He does such awesome things in my life and these little people are sure signs of it.
And, once again, it took my breath away that…….
I am so blessed ♥
Love these little people entrusted in my care during this earthly life to the moon and back.