As any married person knows:
Marriage Is Not Easy.
Marriage takes work, commitment, heart, mind, and soul. It demands energy when you have none. It requires a selflessness that many don’t want to give. And more often than not, it challenges one spouse to be more of everything than the other at differing times throughout: more patient, more giving, more understanding, more supportive….and so on. Minds will be set, challenged, and stubborn. Hearts will be broken and mended. Love will possibly be questioned at one point or another. Divorce may start to become an option for some and for others the end result. But if one can fight over a car or a bed or a house in the event of a divorce, how come fighting to keep one’s spouse is not worth it.
Shouldn’t it stand to say that through the hard times, good times are around the bend? Isn’t it safe to say that good times can outnumber the bad when spouses start looking to believe in their marriage rather than believe in the failure of it?
We know marriage has been God’s plan since Adam and Eve, He makes it possible. He makes it possible for husbands and wives around the world. I have no idea, no idea whatsoever, what anyone’s marriages are like. And honestly, I don’t need to know. Since I live in my marriage every single day, I do know what my marriage is like. It’s not perfect, but we have the essentials. It’s not always fun, but we do what we need to do. Remember, marriage is taking to very different people and joining them under one roof. And, the truth is, you don’t ever really know someone until you live with them day in and day out.
In the 12 years my husband and I have been together, we’ve had a bumpy road. We’ve had to work hard to maintain our relationship. According to him, we started out wrong. Technically speaking, if starting out wrong means we had kids before marriage and lived together before marriage, then he’s right.
I have come to understand that, as hard as it is for me to admit, we did start out wrong. Does that mean our marriage is doomed? Not in my opinion because no matter how wrong we started out, we turned to God for help and now we are here. We are a little more mature, just as much stubborn, and just as much right as we ever thought we were. The difference now is that we are actually more aware of these behaviors that lead to destruction, but we find a way to get around them plus a WHOLE LOT OF PRAYER!
No matter where we are in our relationship, I know that I can count on him for most anything. He has a deep-rooted faith and values. He has an honor code that makes it almost impossible for him to do wrong, to go against what he believes. His qualities are numerous, but he does have faults. I choose to see the good in him, as we all do.
I am no marriage expert, but I do know one thing: I can’t walk away from my marriage.
I found something on Facebook not too long ago that I have been wanting to post because it’s one of simplest ways to write exactly how to act in a marriage. The information it contains is advice I’ve heard from multiple married women that have been with their spouses for 30+ years. Since ‘until death do us part’ were words my husband and I spoke with our whole hearts and souls, the advice sounds pretty good to me.
For anyone having marital problems, big or small, I recommend the book The Choice Wine: 7 Steps to A Superabundant Marriage, by Steve Bollman which you can get here The Choice Wine.
Nonetheless, the people in the marriage have to first make the choice that the marriage is worth it, that the marriage is more than just words on a paper. As I said, I am no marriage expert. What I have learned, I have learned through my own experiences, A LOT of reading and studying scripture.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate”