I’ve been reading this book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The title is a dead give away 😉 as the book does explain five different love languages. So, yeah, I’ve been reading it in hopes of discovering the secret to a 40+ year marriage.
And, actually, it’s pretty interesting. Here’s a brief synopsis:
As I said, the author describes five different loves languages in detail. Although each language is self-explanatory, they are explained below:
- Receiving Gifts: I’m sure we all know what receiving gifts is all about. It doesn’t matter the kind of gift as long as it’s a token of one’s love. It could be home-made, store-bought, grown, found, recreated, dreamed up…which gift or token of appreciation you want to surprise your honey-bunny with will definitely be appreciated if your honey-bunny speaks this love language.
- Words of Affirmation: This love language promotes kind, loving words that build your honey-bunny up. Even if you aren’t the type that gets all lovey-dovey with words, you will surely win her over even if you have to fake it. This type just wants to hear words of encouragement, humility and kindness. This is in no way suggesting to bribe your honey-bunny with these kind words. That’s not nice. The whole point of this type of language is to make your partner feel loved.
- Quality of Time: There is never enough time in a day, especially for all the working adults that have children at home and a million other daily responsibilities to meet. However, if your honey-bunny speaks this language, setting aside time specifically to focus on said honey-bunny then your relationship will surely blossom.
- Acts of Service: Every one likes a helping hand sometimes, but for this type of language, their love exceeds expectations when acts of service are committed by the mate. Taking out the trash without being asked, picking up the part that your spouse ordered, or making the bed are examples of the types of seeds a person of this love language needs for the relationship to grow. If you’re partner is out working all day and you know he loves a clean kitchen when he gets home, then clean the kitchen to foster and grow your love, your relationship.
- Physical Touch: This one is pretty simple. If you notice that your partner is a feely-feely kind of person then chances are, this is her love language. Hand-holding, your arm around her waist or shoulders, snuggling on the couch, sitting close to you in the vehicle are all ways that she feels most loved. This is where his heart feels a contentment not otherwise found. And then, of course, this type of love language adds more spice to the bedroom. And who doesn’t want that?
Now, as I said, the above is only a brief synopsis and it probably doesn’t do it justice, but maybe it’s enticing enough for you to buy the book if you are looking for ways to grow your relationship. You can actually buy it here if you are so inclined. By the way, I do not benefit in any way if you choose to buy it, I just think it’s a good book and want to make it easy for you to find.
As for me, I am uncertain as to whether or not a person can have a combination of love languages, but I am inclined to say yes just for the reason that I can identify with each one of them. However, I am going to say that there’s a three way tie between Quality of Time, Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation. For instance, I want to spend as much time as possible with my honey-bunny, but I also feel super loved when I get home from work to a clean house and bathed children while also feeling loved when his first words upon my entrance into the house are “I missed you today, babe. How was your day?” as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close.
However, what I need to focus on is his love language because my job is to love him first. It’s taken me awhile, but I have finally learned that he speaks Acts of Kindness. He would rather me do something helpful and unexpected than for me to buy him a gift of some sort. Don’t get me wrong, he would be ecstatic about a gift – especially if it belongs in a garage – but he primarily feels loved when he knows I am sharing in, not only the daily responsibilities, but also spur-of-the-moment, out-of-nowhere errands that arise at any given moment. He feels more loved when I can stop what I’m doing, or at least add it to my list, to do what he needs done, but can’t get to yet. He equates my actions toward him, my acts of service toward him as love or lack thereof when my actions are not up to par. For instance, if he asks me to pick up that part at Napa and I hee-haw around….he takes that as something less than love, if that makes any sense. He knows that I love him, but he doesn’t see it or feel it when I’m not willing to help him out.
So, what happens now?
From this point forward, I have to word hard every day at speaking his love language. There’s a lot more to this marriage business that I ever fathomed, but I got this 🙂
However, nothing says it better than Ephesians 5:22-33
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
So go, wives love your husbands and husbands love your wives. Build your relationships with God and with one another ♥