Changes

As you all know, I have turned in my notice as work so that I may better care for my family. My family needs, my guidance, my love, my everything to ready them for life beyond parents…..a point in life that all children start to look forward to once they reach a certain age. And to be honest, I don’t have many of these good years left. As any parent knows, all the years are considered the good years, but these I guess I’m selfish and want to be present for all moments in the their lives I will never get to do again –which just so happens to be every single day of their life. Once these moments are gone, the years, they’re gone for good. I want to be part of this. For years, I anticipated getting a job, to get out of the hum-drum of daily life as a stay home mom so when I got this job almost a year ago, I envisioned my future with it. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I actually have other adults to conversate with. It wasn’t hard for to me to go to work…..

until the work days just kept coming.

until I realized how much of my children’s lives I was missing.

until I felt my heart growing heavy with missing my husband and my children.

until my heart grew heavy at the sadness I encountered with my kids every time I had to leave for work.

Going to work has become a burden.

So now, I am left with an ache to be home with my family, enjoying my children, doing the most important thing I will ever do: be there to support and encourage my husband while giving my whole heart to doing what I have been called to do – mother my children.

However, now I have a whole new set of concerns: leaving my job, my co-workers, this part of me. I have to keep telling myself: there is good reason for this. This change is necessary. I keep trying to come up with ways that I can keep my job, but then that defeats the whole purpose of my quitting the job.

As a child, if my memories aren’t playing tricks on me, change wasn’t hard for me. As adult with my own family, change has become difficult. Turning in my two-week notice the other day, made my question my choice. It shouldn’t be this hard to quit a job, but it is. And just for a little history in the work department, I haven’t held a job for more than 6 months since I had my oldest child so obviously quitting a job has never been hard for me. It’s different now and I can only credit the people I work with for that improvement. As I said, I became very close with the ladies that I work with.

The greatest moment of this decision came when I told my children when my last day of work will be. They were so excited. One response: “Really? Like for this year or from now on?” he questioned with anticipation. From now on, I said. They are happy!

Even though this decision has been a hard one, wrestled with in my mind and prayed on for a few weeks now, my heart is lighter knowing what it’s all for. Lesson learned! To appreciate each and every day. To take complete advantage of time with them at each stage of their life because we are teaching them what they need to know and we are building their faith in God. Now, I will be able to focus on these things more.

I very much have some sadness in my heart about my upcoming departure, but I know I will be doing the most important job of my life and I will be able to do it with the full attention that it deserves. This is the lesson I have learned.

One of my favorites quotes in the Bible (that I have memorized 🙂 ):

Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6

I am truly blessed.

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