I didn’t realize how hard it would be to have my notice turned in and be waiting on my last day to arrive.
Because it is!
After nights and days of prayer, I am confidant that I made the right decision, but it seems like since then, I have all these doubts floating through my head.
- I am letting my co-workers down.
- I am letting my family down.
- I will be short on cash.
- I am going to miss my co-workers, my friends.
And so much more!
As I anxiously await The Day, my heart is heavy, my eyes fill with tears that go un-shed, and my mind wonders about the upcoming days ahead. At the same time, I long for the days the days that I can spend with my children, picking up the role as stay home mom once again, that role that allows me to be with them, to teach them about life, to show the them importance of God’s role in our lives.
I am sad, but I am happy.
I am scared, but I fear not.
And I feel alone.
Change has not been my friend for a long while.
But, at the same time, I hear in my heart, a whisper so soft and encouraging,
Rest your weary soul, my child, My strength is your strength. Pour your heart out to me as I am here to console in the hard times.
I suppose these inner arguments are normal. I suppose to question one’s decision is to be expected. I suppose the doubts the will dissipate, but knowing all of this, doesn’t make it any easier.
My fears carry one. My doubts will subside. My questions may or may never be answered, but the decision to revitalize my role as a stay-at-home mother will benefit my family and make my children happy — in the long run it will make me happy as well beings my calling is devotion to mother =hood. How can a person go wrong with that?
Jesus tells us Do Not Worry “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. -Matthew 6:25-34
I am trusting God that He lead me to the right decision and I will leave all my cares in His hands.