Suicide awareness has never really been at the top of my list…….
Sad to say, but it was just one of those things we heard about, got a little info on, told ourselves it would never happen to us, and shove it into the stockpile of information we keep stored in our brains.
After my son took his life this year, I have done nothing but think about suicide. His suicide mostly, but the pain of other families whose lives have been turned upside down due to loss of a loved one to suicide.
Honestly, I’ve only known of three people in my life that have committed suicide that I can say I actually knew. However, none of these three was I ever close with, not even a little bit.
I will say this, I have never felt such an immense amount of heartbreak as I do these days. Some days the pain is completely unbearable. And it’s not just emotional pain, it’s physical pain. My whole body aches. The pain has settled into my shoulders and my neck and seems to meander its’ way down my back just to continue on down into my legs and settle into my knees. Tears seem to fall at most unwelcoming moments. I am exhausted due to changes in sleeping patterns. My nerves are frazzled all the time. My eating habits have changed which also contributes to the exhaustion I feel. I don’t want to leave my house and if I do leave my house, I want to return as soon as possible. Right now, I am still not wanting to really be around people, not even my own family sometimes. I keep waiting for my ‘normal’ to appear again, but I am beginning to understand that my ‘normal’ will no longer be what is was prior to my son’s death. Through heartache, my mind and my heart will create a new normal in which I get used to living without my son. I am not excited for that because well….who wants to live when one of their children is no longer with them?
But, I finally recognized, there is light at the end of my very narrow tunnel….
I spoke with a grief couselor
the other day.
And now, my focus has shifted.
Oh, I am still angry and heartbroken and unsure that I will ever function as I used to, but when I visited with the grief counselor, she informed me of a fundraising walk – Out of the Darkness – that I decided to join so I created a team. You can find the information here. If you would like to donate to any member of my team you can click Walking for Darren team member. Each blue word is a different member.
After I signed up for that, I started thinking about other ways in which some good can come of my son’s death because, as I have previously said, I don’t wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. It’s a heartbreak that I don’t want anyone else’s family to suffer.
Through a Google search “suicide” I found that there is actually a World Suicide Prevention Day – September 10. On this day, one national association I found, has created a Cycle Around the Globe event in which people pledge to cycle in their area – either in their homes, the gym, in their town, in the park, across the city, just cycling a certain number of pledged miles. The days set for the Cycle Around the Globe event are Sept 1-17 and I have also decided to pledge a number of miles. This is also a fundraiser in which one can get donations or sponsors.
If you get a chance, take a peak and offer any support you can. It doesn’t have to be monetary support. You can pledge the cycle, you can join a walk or create a team in your own area.
For the saddest reason, I have finally found a cause that I am willing to support.