Life Moments #16 – The Next Chapter

heavendylanultrasound

Something that has really kept me going in the midst of the most devastating time of my life is:

I am going to be mimi!

My oldest son and his girlfriend are going to have baby. I’ve known this for quite awhile, actually since shortly after she found out. Thankfully and sadly, when my son took his life, he knew that he was going to be an uncle. I say thankfully because it’s quite a privilege and sadly because his niece will never get to meet him, to know him, to sit on his lap. She will never know just how awesome he was on a personal level…..

but, she will have our stories and she will have pictures of him so she will know him through all of us.

Now, as I am still trying to figure out how to live without my son, I am in the process of welcoming my first grand-baby.

I am excited, yet torn.

I’ve been having a hard time coping with my son’s death. I’ve been having a hard time trying to get through the stages of grief.

I am just having a hard time.

To be expected, I suppose, but so often I feel like people just want me to forget that it happened, to say that it’s done and move on.

I don’t know how.

So, as I keep struggling through my days, I am also going to plan for baby girl. I am in the planning stages of their baby shower. I am nervous and excited and sad all at the same time, if that’s even possible.

My son is going to be a daddy.

That’s exciting!

I am going to be mimi.

That’s exciting!

All my babies are going to my aunties and uncles.

That’s exciting!

I look forward to watching my son as he becomes a dad.

I look forward to seeing him hold her and love her.

I look forward to meeting her and holding her and snuggling her.

I look forward to our families meeting that sweet little bundle of joy.

I am sad that Darren won’t meet her.

I am sad he’s gone.

But, I am happy Heaven and Dylan are having this baby.

They will be wonderful parents.

 

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