This is one of my favorite pictures of you and your baby sister. I remember this day like it was yesterday…I remember all the days like they were yesterday. Anywhooo….you came in after school and lounged on the furniture for a bit. It was very seldom that you were without socks, but for some reason, you didn’t have socks on at this time. You picked her up from me and proceeded to lay down on the floor with her. I remember you saying all the time that she didn’t like you because she fussed when you held her, but you held her anyway. You loved her so much.
And we miss you so much. I think about you constantly throughout the day. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I smile. Sometimes I laugh. But you are always in my mind.
I have so many different things running through my head about you, about suicide, about how what has happened to us can help others, about your siblings and their stories, about Dylan and Heaven…..about everything. Speaking of your siblings and their stories, they have such good stories. I encouraged them to go to a suicide loss support group and we went this evening. I only spectated as it was a children’s support group. To start the group they introduced themselves and you. Throughout the hour, the told stories of you and how this loss has impacted their lives. They mostly told stories of your tough truck. They goofed off by telling some silly stories. And they enjoyed telling the stories. They laughed at the antics you guys pulled together. They had the leader of the group giggling.
Oh, how they loved you, love you still. I will never get the image out of my head of the moment that we told them of your death. They miss you terribly. I want you to know, Darren, that you impacted their life while you were here. They looked forward to seeing you all the time. They missed you so much when you weren’t with us and the stories that get them through their days now involve so much of you. Those last two months before you took your life left a mark on them as well. Now they hold every memory with you so dear to their heart.
Oh buddy, how different life is without you!
We just continue to move forward, or at least try, one day at a time.
Today was just one more day.
Another day without you.
Another day thinking of you.
Another day wondering why.
One more day………
Let’s raise Suicide Awareness in hopes of preventing other families from going through this same heartache, preventing others from believing suicide is the only way out.