Life in General, Missing You, Motherhood

Life Moments #37 – An Awakened Memory

concrete Darren image

The other day my son had an appointment so I went to his school to pick him up. While I waited in for car for him to come out, I noticed a van pull into a driveway of the home across the street. Looking at the van, it took me back to Eighteen years ago when I worked in a paint store. The store had regular clients, clients who owned painting companies or private contracting companies. I got to know these clients pretty well, spent much time goofing off with the when they came in the store. As I watched the person inside climb out of the van, I wondered if he was one of the painters who was a regular client. He was. I spoke to him for a few minutes, but then I had to go.

Talk about going back…….

Seeing that guy that afternoon sent me back in time.

A time when I was so much younger.

A time when I thought I had a few things figured out about life.

I had my whole life ahead of me. My boyfriend and I had one child and soon enough would be welcoming our second child, Darren.

That’s where Darren began. I was nineteen years old, trying to take college courses online, and working at the paint store, Columbia Paints and Coating.

Never, not one time, did I consider this is how it would end for him. Seventeen wonderful years he was with us. It wasn’t enough……..

Every waking moment of my day he floats in and out of my mind. Sometimes, the thoughts are strong, the memories vivid. Other times, he’s there, but my day is too busy to spend a lot of time thinking about it. But on those days, when the daylight fades to dusk and everything is slowing down, he is there. My thoughts trickle to him and all the memories envelope me.

I don’t know how, nor did I want to say goodbye, but I wasn’t given a choice……

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