My oldest son and his girlfriend have a very beautiful baby girl who is almost 7 months old. She doesn’t have much hair, but what she does have looks reddish in color. Right now her eyes are blue, but that may change. It doesn’t matter what color her eyes end up being, she will always be a beautiful girl.
To help my son and his girlfriend out, I watch their little sweetheart at least three days a week while they are at work so I get to spend quite a bit of time with her. One day when I took her home, I watched her and my son together. He’s so good with her. He makes her laugh and he cuddles her. He talks to her and plays with her. He’s a good little daddy. He takes an active part in raising her and caring for her throughout the day (or evening when he’s not at work).
As I watched them, it took me back a few years — when my son was a baby and he’s 20 now. All the memories of his childhood came flooding back which brought back all the memories of his brother, Darren. When I see my oldest son with my granddaughter, it’s beautifully amazing. Babies always bring such joy to our lives and he is a wonderful father. When I first found out I was pregnant with my oldest son, it changed my whole life, but I knew he was what I wanted.
Ever since I could remember, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mom…mothering came a few years before the wife part, but all these years later, I can say that I am happy being both. Dylan was the start of my mothering journey. It changed me. Being a mom changed me.
And now, 20 years later, I find myself in another place of change, but this change I would rather do without. Now, I am a still a wife, a mother, but also a mother who has lost a child. However, I find myself focusing on watching Dylan raising his daughter as well as being an active presence in her life. And as I will be doing for the next sixteen years, my husband and I are raising our brood who still live at home.
It’s a beautiful, crazy busy, but sometimes sad life that we must make the most of every day.
And, still, none of it makes sense.