Anything Goes, Life in General, Missing You, Motherhood, Suicide Awareness/Prevention

Life Moments #19 – I Thought of You Today

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I thought of you today

     which is nothing new

     because I think of you every day

     a million times through.

You remember this picture?

I didn’t take it, but when I seen it…I just fell in love with it.

There’s just something about it that caught my eye. I have always loved the photos that are taken as someone is walking toward and/or away from the photographer. I used to practice with you and Haylie doing exactly that.

As I’ve said before, some days are okay and some days are

So. Not. Okay.

Today wasn’t too bad.

I thought of you and I cried for the millionth time since you went to Heaven, but I was a little bit okay.

And I have good news!

Your friends’ mom — no names yet!! — and I are working together to accomplish a goal to start a non-profit. Well, today your friends’ mom set up a meeting with a contact who, hopefully, will get us pointed in the right direction. It’s a small feat, but it’s a big feat! I am excited!

She and I have been working on a name for the non-profit, our trademark, and our slogan. Our goal is to help others who feel that same hopelessness. I have been pretty busy doing research into suicide and of course, non-profit information gathering.

I am also still working on getting the team organized for the walk coming up. Our team is doing well by way of participants.

The funds aren’t quite making our goal, but the walk support is there. I have ordered our team shirts. Now, I need to get some posters done, bracelets ordered, and beads bought. Suicide awareness, here we come!

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I was invited to a Suicide Prevention meeting taking place in the middle of August. I am looking forward to that. And then, in September, I am invited to attend a conference with some of ND representatives to address the suicide issue. These meetings will hopefully encourage needed changes in regard to suicide in ND. I am excited to be involved. I am your voice!

Every day, I wonder how our tragedy can make a difference in the lives of others. I miss you so much. And with that, my thoughts are haunted with your words, “It’s just Darren gone.” As I said before, to me, it’s not just Darren gone. A piece of my heart went with you. I will never let it be “just Darren gone.”

As much as or as little as I accomplish in my day, you linger in my mind, my heart. You will forever be there and that’s the way I want it!

I thought of you today

     which is nothing new

     because I think of you every day

     a million times through.

We will fight suicide with hopes of saving other’s from this heartache.

#nomoresuicide #suicideawareness #suicideprevention

Anything Goes, Life in General, Missing You, Motherhood, Suicide Awareness/Prevention

Suicide – Every Life Matters

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Suicide can and does wreak havoc on families across the nation much more than is realized. The only suicides we hear on national news are the suicides of entertainers as if their lives and families are the only lives affected by suicide. On local news, we hear nothing of suicides.

Why not?

Many fear that speaking of suicide may glorify it thus generate more suicides.

Sadly, ignoring the issue does nothing to help.

All lives matter. My son’s life mattered. He mattered to me. To his father. To his siblings. To aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and friends.

When we take a crisis – such as suicide – and only pay attention or promote awareness when its an entertainer (movies, music, sports, etc) we do the lives of every-day citizens and society as a whole a great disservice.

Every life matters.

It wasn’t long ago when my son took his life. In fact, I am very much still trying to get past the shock and disbelief. My friends and family have been supportive. I haven’t faced any rude comments, but I have dealt with change of subject when the topic of my son’s death comes up. I understand that people are uncomfortable with the subject or,  possibly, tired of hearing about it. I understand. I do not judge or condemn. I just go on doing what I do.

Since I lost my son, I’ve learned a few things as I stumble through my grief.

  • I do not want to glorify my son’s death, but I do want people to understand the emotional pain that got him to the point of no return. Emotional pain can be caused by any number of circumstances, but from what I’ve read, it often arises from depression or other mental illness.
  • My son didn’t take his life to hurt me or anyone else. He was not trying to cause anybody any pain. He took his life to end his own pain because he didn’t know any other way. In that state of hopelessness the individual does not – cannot – think past his/her emotional frame of mind. This is where suicide awareness, mental illness, depression awareness plays such an important role. Feelings are normal and society needs to get educated that strength is in talking about these issues rather than hiding the issues.
  • I am now THAT person. THAT person who has lost someone. THAT person whose child took his life. THAT person forever affected by suicide. THAT person who will use that tragic loss to spread awareness – to help others. THAT person who will always talk and never forget about my son and who hopes you talk about and never forget him either. His life made a difference.
  • How one person experiences grief is completely different than the next. Grief is personal and it is a necessary part of the healing process.
  • We all walk a similar path: uphill battles and downhill coasts. We stumble and we fall, but our paths have different circumstances and trials to stress and/or rejoice over. We all carry burdens no one else knows about. When we cross paths with another just remember, he/she has a story, too.
  • Before I ever had personal experience with suicide, my attitude was a common one: “how selfish of this person to do that, cause that kind of pain, to people who loved him/her. It is only through this tragic loss and witnessing my son’s pain that I realized: Suicide is not selfish nor was the individual. The person who takes his/her life believes suicide to be the only way out.

Again, society needs education rather than condemnation concerning what strength is in relation to emotions and mental illness.

Become a society in which people can show “presumed” weaknesses without fear of judgement.

My son once said ‘I don’t talk about my feelings because I don’t want to be some emotional freak show or give ammunition to use against me later.’

Feelings are normal. Everyone has them. It’s all in how we handle our feelings that makes the difference. Never shame someone for their feelings. Never shame them for voicing their feelings.

Why is that what we are teaching our children, our teenagers? Why are we teaching our teens to keep it all bottled inside when most adults can’t handle it? Why do we expect more from our youth than we expect from our adult selves?

#SuicideAwareness #SuicidePrevention #SaveaLifebyBeingaFriend

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